Come to Remember: Wave of Light in Pocatello to honor loved ones in pregnancy and infant loss

POCATELLO, Idaho (KIFI) – October 15 is International Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day, and the Wave of Light events will honor lost loved ones across the world at 7 p.m. with the lighting of candles. Portneuf Health is bringing the tradition to Pocatello with the Wave of Light at 6 p.m. at the Portneuf Wellness Complex.

Each attending parent/family will decorate a lantern for their lost baby. Candles are lit inside the lanterns at 7 p.m. in each time zone across the world, honoring those gone too soon.

All supplies will be provided at the event, with treats from Shay's Pie Place. Two nurses from Portneuf Health are spearheading the project in its second year at the Wellness Complex.

"We started a support-based group here at Portneuf," said Natalie Anderson, RN and Wave of Light Event Organizer. "We've been able to spread the support into the community so people aren't alone in their grief."

Michelle Hedstrom, fellow RN and event organizer, said she has seen through her work in the postpartum sector at Portneuf how devastating the loss of a baby can be. Parents and families can feel alone as they navigate the loss of their family member.

"I felt like this was so important to help bring our community and those families together on their loss and know they're not alone," Hedstrom said. "The most important thing we can do is help them know that we remember their babies. In my 14 years of experience with these babies, I remember every one of them."

The support-based program, called Portneuf Share, has been active for two years in Pocatello. Now, the nurses are excited to host their second annual Wave of Light.

"We've had great support from the community, including a lot of different local vendors," Anderson said. "Last year I was able to meet a lot of families through this event and was able to facilitate our support group. It was so wonderful to connect with those families, and I'm excited to help people feel like their babies are remembered."

Hedstrom said the main goal is for families to know their babies are remembered and to feel loved and connected to one another. Pregnancy loss can be an isolating experience when people don't know what to say or how to act regarding the death.

"I feel like this is a time when they can come and remember their babies safely, and I just hope that they can get that out of the experience," Hedstrom said.

The event is open to the public, and everyone is welcome, whether they've experienced a pregnancy or infant loss or not. Anderson said many people come to support their family or friends who have experienced the loss of a baby.

"It's another grief experience to watch a friend or family member go through that loss, and sometimes you don't know how to help them," Anderson said. "This is a great way for them to feel loved and supported by you. Everyone is there to remember somebody that mattered to them."

Supporting Those Navigating Loss

Miscarriage or loss of an infant affects countless families every year. An estimated 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the March of Dimes. Meanwhile, stillbirth affects about 1 in 175 births nationally, according to the CDC.

Because loved ones often struggle to find the right words, Our Idaho Stories offers the following advice for both grieving families and their support networks.

For Families Experiencing Loss:

• Allow yourself to grieve. The length of a pregnancy doesn’t determine what loss means to you. There is no deadline for grieving, and you don’t have to explain your feelings.
• Remember in your own way. You may want to talk about your baby, the hope you had, say their name, write a letter, or mark a meaningful date. You may prefer privacy. Choose what feels right to you.
• Find support. A peer group or grief counselor can offer a place to share your experience and even help others not feel so alone.

For friends and loved ones:

• Acknowledge the loss. A caring message is more helpful than silence. Don’t search for a silver lining or minimize grief with words like “at least…”
• Invite storytelling and listen. Ask whether they want to share about their pregnancy, their hopes for the baby, the name they chose. Respect their answer and follow their lead.
• Keep showing up. Offer specific help, such as a meal, an errand, or a night in. Remember anniversaries and check in even when loss happened months or years ago.