A story of domestic violence and where to turn

With recent cases of domestic violence and abuse coming to light in the NFL, more people are coming forward, empowered to talk about the subject.

Eyewitness News anchor Todd Kunz talked with one local woman about her story. She wants to help anyone who is currently in abusive shoes, to give you courage and let you know where to turn for help.

After a season of controversy and negative headlines, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell agreed.

“It has been a tough year,” Goodell said.

First, the Ray Rice incident, where video surfaced of the Baltimore Ravens running back hitting his then-girlfriend-turned-wife in an elevator. Then Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson avoided jail time by pleading “no contest” to a reduced charge in his child abuse case involving his 4-year-old son.

“I truly regret this incident. I take full responsibility for my actions,” said Peterson.

It’s high-profile cases like these that are starting to spark discussion.

“As a society, we’re still struggling to have these conversations. We’re struggling to not blame victims of either domestic violence or sexual assault,” said Teena McBride.

McBride is the executive director of the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center in Idaho Falls. She is very familiar with these situations.

“People who batter, people who commit rape, they look for people who are vulnerable,” said McBride.

She said the biggest misconception about an abusive relationship is that love does not exist.

“And that’s not true. There is love in these relationships and they would like these relationships to work. Unfortunately, it’s unhealthy love. It’s not a healthy relationship,” said McBride.

“Honestly, you’re not so much in love at times, but we’re in love with that fact of being in love. And so, therefore, we accept things that we oftentimes wouldn’t from somebody,” said Debbie.

Debbie was a victim of domestic violence in 1997. Now, she just wants to help others.

“People, woman, families, who are in abusive situations or homes, were raised like that and it becomes normal to us,” said Debbie.

What’s normal to one person may not be normal to another.

“There are a lot of signs. The manipulation, control, isolation of your friends, what you can wear, who you can talk to, where you can go. If you don’t text them back. If you don’t answer their phone calls. If they tell you what to wear. If you can’t hang out with certain friends. You need to tell somebody,” said Debbie

McBride said, oftentimes, a person might not be quite sure what is happening in a relationship. They may feel it is not right, but they’re not sure that it really constitutes somebody being abusive. You have to know what your options are. First, you have to reach out. Pick up the phone and call a crisis hotline.

“If they want to take it a little bit further and they would prefer to sit down with somebody and talk in a one-on-one, they can walk in and ask to speak with an advocate at the office. And really, if they want to give no detail when they come through the door or pick up the phone, they don’t have to say who they are,” said McBride.

“If he hits you, you tell somebody. You report it to the police. If he grabs you or takes your things or locks you in the house, you have got to tell somebody and for you own safety and those that you love and that are around you. Reach out. Reach out. And I’m not going to lie. It’s not an easy thing to do. But in the end, it is so worth it. It is so worth it. My life today is amazing. I have amazing grandkids. I have amazing children. And it doesn’t have to be what you are used to,” said Debbie.

Debbie attribute the grace of God and the crisis workers that got her through her ordeal.

McBride said Idaho struggles in this area with funding. The state supplies between $300,000 and $400,000 a year into all crime victim programs, not just domestic violence victims or victims of sexual assault. This money is spread thinly into 30 or 40 programs throughout the state.

The Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center on Memorial Drive in Idaho Falls is a private nonprofit, funded totally through grants, donations, and fundraisers. Also, since the closure of Help Inc., they have stepped in to take on those caseloads.

The 24-hour crisis hotline is 235-2412.