Battle on the home front: the war against veteran suicide

By Meg McLeod

Click here for updates on this story

    SAGINAW, Michigan (WNEM) — Each year, thousands of families across the country are left shattered and searching for answers after their veteran, their hero, dies by suicide.

As they work through their grief, they’re also working to raise awareness to prevent other families and their veterans from becoming part of a startling statistic.

“A very fun-loving kid, loved life,” Chris Forster said.

“He loved to fish, that was like his biggest passion,” Scott Shea said.

“He was very selfless,” Brandon Terpstra said. “There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for anybody.”

“So Ryan was a guy that took charge of a lot of projects at home and in the military,” Kris Miller said.

Four families, all with different stories, but tied together by the same thread.

“It was just part of his DNA. no doubt,” Tonya Shea said. “That is just what he felt he was born to do.”

Each of their loved ones were cut from the same cloth.

“He didn’t wait for somebody else to come up with an answer,” Brandon Terpstra said. “He would figure it out himself and then he would show you how to do it.”

“Connor was the go-to guy,” Tonya Shea said. “He was the guy that could get things done. He was the guy that everybody could depend on for help.”

But the families of Army Specialist Connor Shea, Army Specialist Dirk Terpstra, Army Specialist First Class Ryan Miller and purple heart recipient and U.S. Marine Austin Toth are now part of the fabric of a startling statistic.

“He was such a different kid when he came home,” Chris Forster said.

“I don’t go a day without thinking about him,” Brandon Terpstra said.

Despite their different journeys, all four of these families have been led down the same, excruciating path.

“I basically lost my mind.” Chris Forster said. “I’m like, ‘I don’t who told you that, but that’s not true. He’s not, he’s not dead.’ She’s like, ‘Mom, he’s gone.’ And I’m like, ‘No, he’s not ashley. I don’t know who told you that but they… they don’t know what they’re talking about.’”

“You know, as a mom, you just don’t want people to forget your child’s name,” Tonya Shea said.

As they try to ensure the world doesn’t forget their veteran, their loved ones each had a pain they couldn’t forget.

“He was running from the explosion and, apparently, a little girl had been hit and her whole arm landed on him and he said he just kind of lost his mind,” Chris Forster said. “He said, ‘I just can’t forget her.’ He said, ‘I see her face, like, every day.’ He goes, ‘It just doesn’t go away. I just want the pain from all of this to go away.’ That’s all he kept saying.”

“He dealt with a lot of loss that he never, he never processed,” Brandon Terpstra said. “He just couldn’t take the pain anymore and the alcohol wasn’t enough to help him cover it up anymore.”

These four men are just a handful of the thousands of veterans we’ve lost to suicide.

The Department of Veterans Affair’s latest data shows more than 6,100 veterans died by suicide in 2020 alone.

Even though there was a decrease of about 4.8% from the year prior, the VA says the battle is far from over.

“There is no celebration in those numbers or no declaration of victory, just an opportunity to take a look at what we’re doing well, and points of improvement as well,” National Director of VA Suicide Prevention Dr. Matthew Miller said.

Dr. Miller said the VA is trying to address the issue from a variety of angles: launching the “Don’t wait, reach out” ad campaign, developing Coaching into Care to give loved ones the tools they need to help their veteran get mental health help, starting the Solid Start program to give veterans three calls during their first year out of the military and the brand new Mission Daybreak which puts the idea of veteran suicide prevention to the masses and awards the top submissions.

Those ideas are all in the hope that, one day, families won’t be left clinging to their most cherished memories and thinking about what they miss most.

“His hugs and his smiles,” Kris Miller said. “I remember the last two hugs he gave me because I remember, you know, after 13 years, I finally said, ‘When you hug me with your arms around my neck, it kind of hurts my neck. And so, the last hug he gave me, he put his arms under.”

“Forcing the three of them to do Christmas dinner dishes,” Scott Shea said. “Just to see the three kids together, to me, that’s what I miss the most.”

“I miss his face,” Chris Forster said. “I still think he’s gonna walk through the door and go, ‘Hey, mom!’ But he’s not.”

All four of these families, woven together by their loss, have found a patchwork of people who’ve walked a similar road.

They’re marching forward for awareness as part of the Great Lakes Bay Veterans Coalition’s 22-mile Memorial Day ruck.

With each step, they hope to stomp out the statistics.

“This is a problem,” Tonya Shea said. “This is a problem within our military community, this is a problem within our first responder community, and it’s this huge stigma. These first responders and the soldiers are… they’re afraid to be weak.”

Fueled by their grief, they’re all now working to prevent the next family, the next veteran, from being draped in this same story.

“You’re not a burden,” Kris Miller said. “You’re loved and you just need to reach out. There’s help.”

There are several organizations working to help both veterans and their families, including the Shea family’s psychiatric service dog organization We Walk the Line.

Please note: This content carries a strict local market embargo. If you share the same market as the contributor of this article, you may not use it on any platform.