Domestic violence center talks about signs, how to get help

IDAHO FALLS, Idaho (KIFI)- The Gabby Petito/Brian Laundrie case has put the topic of domestic abuse into the spotlight, and according to Teena McBride, the executive director at the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center in Idaho Falls, it can look like a lot of things.

"On the lower end of the spectrum is jealousy, isolation, name-calling," McBride said. "When you start finding things that just make you uncomfortable being with this person, within this relationship, those are things that you should question. You know, we don't have to wait until it becomes physical, or until you've been battered and are in the ER."

McBride also said intimate partner violence is a gradual change.

"People who batter, they have a toolbox full of tools that they can use to continue to give the victim hope," McBride explained. "And they will keep pulling from their toolbox, and using the least restrictive tools until they have to use the sledgehammers. Because if we use the sledgehammer right out of the gate, then most people are going to walk away early on."

But walking away isn't always easy.

The Park Service ranger who took part in the traffic stop caught on camera in Moab, told the Deseret News she encouraged Petito to reevaluate her relationship with Laundrie.

But McBride says there's only so much people can do.

"Until a victim is ready to talk about what's happening, until a victim is ready to acknowledge this, a lot of times, it's like you're standing on the edge of a pool, watching somebody drown, and you can not help them," McBride said. "Because we can't make another person do something we want them to do unless we want to become batterers."

But there are some things you can do.

"You can always call a domestic violence program, you can talk to them about resources, you can search the web, there is a ton of information," McBride said. "You have national domestic violence programs that have a ton of information, calling local programs, finding out what's available, what resources they have. And if that person's not comfortable coming in by themselves, come in with them."

McBride also says if you're concerned about someone, do safety planning on the front side, using something like a codeword or phrase, so when that person sends you a message, you understand what that message is about.