Non-traditional marriage is becoming more traditional

Ah, February. The month of love. It brings red roses, boxes of chocolates, and valentines to mind. It’s also a pretty popular time of the year to get married.

The Pew Research Center recently released a study that shows the millennial generation is dramatically changing the looks of a traditional marriage ceremony. For example, no licensed, highly educated minister necessary.

When baby boomers think of a wedding ceremony, it’s in a church, with a priest, and all the pomp and circumstance. This style was right for millennials Brian and Caitlin Janaowski.

“Religion and faith has always been important. We felt it was the right thing for us,” they say.

But a lot of millennials want to be married by a friend or family member, instead of an ordained minister with a 3 year masters degree.

“My sister got married by a pastor,” says Cheyenne Hagar. “We knew him since we were young. He actually moved to Texas. I didn’t know any other minister to marry us, so I went with a friend.”

Cheyenne Hagar’s non-traditional marriage is actually becoming the more traditional option.

According to Pew Research, Americans choosing to get married by a priest in the Catholic Church is down 60% compared to 1970. In fact, 35% of millennials identify themselves as nonreligious. They’re more comfortable being married by someone close to them, instead of a formal minister they don’t really know. Most of these friends get their license online, from websites like The Universal Life Church. The Deseret News reports in 2014, the on-line ministry ordained 250,000 people. No experience necessary. Just pay the fee. It’s all legal.

Methodist minister Rev. Ruth Marsh says, “While you might have a really lovely ceremony with a ten dollar certificate, marriage is about a lot more than just that one day.”

Pastors Ruth Marsh and Barbara Condon are a little concerned with this new trend. Friends or relatives seldom offer pre-marital counseling. They think that can help uncover problems that might crop up down the road.

“It’s not so much counseling as they take a test on-line,” says Rev. Condon. “Then I get the results and we walk through it together.”

The questions look at feelings on religion, children, leisure time, finances, even sexuality.

“Do they agree or disagree? How are they different, or similar? To help them get to know each other better and talk about things they maybe haven’t talked about in their dating time,” explains Rev. Condon.

These pastors have 3 years of theology study, a degree that can cost about $75,000 dollars total. The degree includes a lot of counseling training.

“So, there comes a time when you get what you pay for,” says Rev. Marsh

Which is not to say these pastors are stuffy and will only perform traditional church weddings.
“At one wedding, someone was carrying a shotgun when the bride walked up the aisle,” says Rev. Condon.

“We had it at sunrise. Parishoners said they were coming in bathrobes with curlers in their hair. And they did,” adds Rev. Marsh.

They just think premarital counseling is important. That worked well for Brian and Caitlin.

“We did a whole weekend called an engagement encounter. We did a lot of praying and soul searching and answered questions and a lot of reflecting and had a one on one with our priest,” they explain.

“I guess it’s how you’re raised. What you’re comfortable with,” says Cheyenne. “Having our friend Cameron marry us, he made it fun and we laughed a lot. It made it really special.”

“Just do what’s best and works for you,” says Brian.