Why we fail our New Year’s resolutions, and how to pick one that works
By Alexandra Mae Jones
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Toronto, Ontario (CTV Network) — In just a few days, it will be 2022, and for many, that means this is the week to solidify those New Year’s resolutions. But why is it so hard to make a resolution that sticks?
There are a couple of common pitfalls that people stumble into while trying to find a good New Year’s resolution, according to sports and performance psychologist Dr. Haley Perlus.
Whether it’s choosing a goal that’s astronomically unrealistic, or going into it with failure in the back of your mind, there are ways to combat these problems and keep your eye on the prize.
“Any New Year’s resolution that has any shot of working is one that you are excited about,” Perlus told CTVNews.ca in a phone interview. “And you believe in it — because if you’re doing it for somebody else, it won’t work.”
GOING TOO BIG The first big mistake, Perlus said, is taking on a resolution that is too huge of a change or too huge of a goal.
“We bite off more than we can chew,” she said.
“Best rituals and New Year’s resolutions would be something that is at, or just above, your current level of ability.”
She defines these too-big goals as ones that are big departures from regular rituals.
“Losing 15 pounds, going to work out five days a week, going to run a marathon, […] going to go to sleep at nine o’clock every night, going to wake up at 6:00 a.m. every morning when you typically get up at seven — those are not actually goals that I would set for New Year’s,” she said.
If you want to set a resolution that sticks, it should be smaller and more achievable, she advised.
“Every morning I’m going to start drinking a glass of water,” she suggested. “If I wake up at 6:30, now I’m going to wake up at 6:20 and […] not even force myself to get up and move, I’m just going to start setting the alarm at 6:20 instead of 6:30 and play some motivational music and then see where that takes you.
“These are the daily rituals. Making sure that […] you add vegetables to every meal instead of completely changing the entire meal in and of itself.”
This doesn’t mean that if you have your heart set on a huge specific goal, such as running a marathon, you should throw that idea away.
But working towards that goal would then need specific, incremental changes, such as a 15-minute walk every day, to make that big goal into achievable chunks.
MAKING A RESOLUTION JUST TO FIT IN Others make the mistake of getting caught up in the excitement of making a resolution, and are full of initial motivation that quickly drains away, Perlus said.
“Everyone wants it January 1st — new year, new motivation, everyone’s doing it. So I want to do it. But then when it actually comes down to doing the work, you lack the commitment.”
Making a resolution just to say you did likely won’t lead to a successful execution of that resolution. Instead, use the new year as a springboard of motivation to tackle a change or project that you genuinely want for yourself.
Thinking about how a resolution makes you feel is one way to see if you genuinely want to take it on.
“There’s excitement that comes with nervousness, and there’s confidence that comes with nervousness,” she said. “Anxiety is that high level of negative stress where you feel overwhelmed, and when you have doubt. If you were having anxiety about your New Year’s revolutions, I would say don’t set them.
“If you’re feeling nervousness, set them.”
ACCEPTING FAILURE AS INEVITABLE One big pitfall that isn’t talked about as much, Perlus said, is making a resolution halfheartedly, with the mindset that failing is expected.
“We know that people fail on their New Year’s resolution,” she said. “So if I fail, it’s no big deal because everyone does too. There’s almost like this social proof aspect of it. I’m OK. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure because everyone fails at New Year’s resolutions.”
To be clear, you are not a failure if you fail a New Year’s resolution — but going into the resolution anticipating that you won’t keep it is no way to make a successful resolution.
Perlus said that she has failed New Year’s resolutions before, and that no one is perfect. She’s made resolutions to be more active on social media before, and failed.
“That’s what I’m working on for myself,” she said. One problem she had was trying to be active on too many platforms at once, while now she focuses more closely on one or two.
SO HOW DO YOU GET A RESOLUTION TO STICK? What you have to do is flip the script on yourself, Perlus said.
When we make a goal, we think of what we would like to achieve, and we make plans for what we will do in the future to reach the goal. But when the time for action comes, it is easy to come up with a list of reasons why today is not a good time.
“What you need to do to help your New Year’s resolution stick is come up with a story that counteracts that ‘but,’” Perlus said.
“For example, ‘I want to exercise after work, but I’m too tired.’ That’s a very common thing. You need to come up with a story that will then counteract that. So the new story would be, ‘the truth is that I’ve been sitting in front of my computer all day, physically resting. My body is not tired. My emotions are. So let me go move my body and rest my emotions.’ So you’re literally turning a ‘but’ into ‘the truth is.’”
Perlus’ experience working with athletes on their mental toughness has helped her work on her own as well.
“I am my greatest client,” she said. “I’m always striving to learn and grow. And every day I find myself […] thinking ‘what if,’ or ‘maybe I can’t,’ or that ‘but’ story. So I’m constantly using my own strategies to help me.”
It can be hard to think of making positive goals for the future during this ongoing pandemic, she acknowledged. But focusing on the inspiration of people who are achieving things, or reflecting on the achievements that you have obtained in the past despite hardships, can help re-centre you.
“Instead of focusing on all the ways and all the reasons and all the times that you failed, focus on all on all the times that you’ve succeeded and draw on that, and then have yourself a very quick success,” she suggested.
“So just instead of setting a goal that you’re going to be on time to every single meeting for the rest of the year, maybe you just make sure that you’re on time today. And then now you’ve just had a success and then guess what? You can use that. You’ve done it — now you can do it. And then you use that to motivate you to be on time tomorrow.”
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Nicole Bogartctvnews.caproducers@bellmedia.ca(416) 384-5000
