Mariska Hargitay says she went into ‘freeze mode’ when sexually assaulted. Here’s what that is

By Kristen Rogers, CNN

(CNN) — In a personal essay for People magazine, “Law & Order” star Mariska Hargitay has revealed her experience of being raped in her 30s by a friend — during which she “went into freeze mode,” she wrote.  

“I tried all the ways I knew to get out of it,” Hargitay wrote. “I tried to make jokes, to be charming, to set a boundary, to reason, to say no. He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified. I didn’t want it to escalate to violence. … I checked out of my body.”

When a traumatic event is happening, it typically causes the brain to rev up the sympathetic nervous system, our flight-or-fight response, said Dr. Gail Saltz, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital and Weill Cornell Medical College.

“What that causes to happen is blood to be shunted to areas of the brain that have to do with fleeing, like running away or fighting — muscles, for example — and away from areas that are deemed less important in that moment, like planning, organizing or even speech centers,” she said.

But when someone’s in a dangerous situation where they don’t see an escape, they may alternatively have an involuntary freeze response, like Hargitay did, Saltz said. It’s similar to a deer stopping in a car’s headlights or a possum playing dead.

“In the case of a sexual assault, they may be thinking, ‘No, I don’t want this to be happening,’” yet they also feel absent from their own mind, and can physically freeze or be unable to speak, Saltz said. “The evolutionary purpose is to not further inflame the perpetrator to commit more violence upon you.”

Despite the simple explanation for freezing, the question “Why didn’t they fight back?” is still all too common, discrediting victims of sexual assault, Saltz added.

In a conversation with CNN, Saltz discussed the freeze response and how survivors can heal from their trauma.

This conversation has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.

CNN: What is commonly misunderstood about the freeze response to sexual assault?

Dr. Gail Saltz: The big problem is that very few people understand or know about the freeze response. Because of that, victims of assault — mostly women — blame themselves and are blamed by society. They don’t know what happened to them, but they know that they didn’t scream or say “help,” or they didn’t punch him or whatever. Does that mean that in any way they allowed this to happen? No.

This self-blame is trauma number two, and it keeps women silent and feeling ashamed and makes it harder to recover from the initial trauma. That’s further bolstered by the belief that other people will think that as well.

In the past, someone would come forward to try to prosecute and the defense would say they didn’t scream or do something, so they must have wanted it or been OK with it — this implication that freezing has anything to do with consent is incorrect. While more people now understand this is not correct, many people still do not understand or want to even accept it as a possibility. But most rapes do not include some battle or physical altercation.

CNN: Some people may interpret the freeze response as consent. Can you explain why that’s incorrect?

Saltz: Rape is non-consensual sexual intercourse. Rape is someone in a position of power and authority over you insisting you’re having sex even though you don’t want to.

Consent is the verbal “Yes, I wish to do this act with you” or a clear physical “Yes, I want this.” Physical consent looks like active, excited participation, not passive reception of what someone’s doing to you. Someone lying there frozen is not an affirmative answer.

Some young people don’t see asking “Is this OK?” as very romantic. But the reality is that without clear communication, one doesn’t know if one has consent. You do need to be able to talk, listen and get an affirmative answer from somebody.

If you don’t think you need clear verbal or physical consent, the freeze response could be misinterpreted as consent.

CNN: Hargitay’s story is deeply personal yet she chose to share her experience. How does this help?

Saltz: I applaud somebody like Hargitay because people are much more likely to read something like her essay than the psychiatry literature about it. She points out that it would be helpful for her if the perpetrator would say, “I did this. I’m sorry.” Obviously, most perpetrators would never say this. But to some degree, that’s what the legal system is about — it is about a woman saying, “You did this, and this will be the acknowledgement that you did this to me.” Often this goes very badly, or women never bring it to prosecution because of freezing because they know they’ll be blamed in a courtroom.

If everybody understood that a freeze response is a common, neurobiological — meaning not volitional — response to sexual assault, that would impact many things: including prosecution, understanding of the later ramifications of sexual assault on a person, and victims understanding the perpetrator has full responsibility and being much less likely to blame themselves in some way, which is really important to recovery.

If somebody learns freezing is not consent, that could also make a difference, in some instances, in encounters of the nature that Hargitay described.

CNN: How can survivors process their trauma?

Saltz: Seeing a mental health professional immediately, if possible, is a good thing to do. Look for an expert with credentials that indicate they’re a formal psychologist or psychiatrist, or even a masters of social work. Usually people in practice will have bios about specialty areas they have further training in, such as working with survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault. Professional organizations such as the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychoanalytic Association have members lists where you can pull up a list of who’s in your area.

Being educated about this response, and how normal it is, would also make a big difference. Organizations that try to help survivors of sexual assault are good resources for this information.

If you can, speak with trusted people around you who can be supportive and affirm your experience. This is about giving yourself the grace to understand that you have entirely been a victim. Processing doesn’t mean you will forget what happened or that it won’t impact you at all, but ultimately the goal is to build resilience — the idea that one can manage trauma, survive trauma and get back to the person you were prior to the trauma because you’ve built coping skills.

For additional resources for healing from sexual assault, understanding consent and more, visit the website of the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.

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