Cockroaches, glitter bombs and other obnoxious Valentine’s Day gifts for your ex

If you’re heartbroken this Valentine’s Day, you could be the bigger person and avoid sending your ex an unsolicited gag gift.

But if you decide not to take the high road this year, there are plenty of options to choose from.

Please give responsibly.

Name a cockroach after your ex

For just $5, the San Antonio Zoo will name a cockroach after your former significant other and feed it to a bird, reptile or mammal. It’s part of the zoo’s “Cry Me a Cockroach” event on Valentine’s Day.

For $20 more, you can even have zookeepers feed a frozen rat to a reptile. If that’s too intense, the zoo offers a $5 herbivore option that consists of romaine lettuce, cabbage and other leafy greens that can be fed to vegetarian animals.

The event will be livestreamed by the San Antonio Zoo on Facebook Live, and you’ll get a certificate to share on social media. Your money will go towards an expansion of the Zoo’s habitat for jaguars.

Decorate a litter box with the name of your ex

The Lexington Humane Society in Kentucky had a very on-the-nose idea to let your ex know how crappy your relationship was.

For $10, you can let the shelter know via Facebook which name you’d like them to write inside a litter box for an adorable kitty to do its business on.

They call it “retripootion,” and the society has raised nearly $1,800 so far with the stinky idea.

The gift they can’t get rid of

They say diamonds are forever, but have you ever tried getting rid of glitter? The sparkly powder has more lasting power than many romantic relationships.

To drive the point home, for about $19 you can send your ex a spring-loaded glitter bomb they’ll never be able to get out of their carpet. It will serve as a constant reminder of you.

The “glitter is non-toxic and does not stain or damage materials. We can however guarantee it will be a pain to clean up,” according to PostalPranks.com, the purveyors of the glitter bomb.

For the ‘couch potato’ ex

We’re in the middle of a pandemic and there are no plans to be canceled these days, so this is not a dig at people who are being safe and practicing social distancing as required by the circumstances.

But if your ex was never interested in leaving the couch to make memories with you in the Before Times, Anonymous Potato will print any face onto a potato and add a custom message. For less than $20, this is an option to consider.

A troll cake

If your ex wrote something negative about you on social media, you can always send them a Troll Cake. If you send Troll Cakes the comment and the address of whoever said it, the company will turn the comment into a custom Troll Cake and mail it to person’s home or work for $35. If you don’t know the address, Troll Cakes will play detective and find out for you but the price goes up $60. The cake, however, will taste good.

Move on, already

Maybe they’re still not over you. If that’s the case, send them a free trial membership with dating app eHarmony. That might help them get on with their lives and finally leave you alone.